Having a bit of history behind my working-life is a novel concept, one I’m not sure I fully relish quite yet. During school and uni there was a perpetual need to prove yourself as every new year churned by. I got fed-up of this sometimes, even if I was able to work within that system.
But the aspect I never quite appreciated was that chance of a fresh sheet of paper every year. Whatever the positive gains of the previous year there was also the moving-on aspect of wiping away the negatives too.
It was never a deliberate offer of a clean-slate, but it just seemed to work out like that. People you hadn’t enjoyed being around suddenly weren’t on your course anymore. The rut you’d got into of having an unhealthy lunch-break changed when the new timetable was more accomodating to having a lunch-hour.
So, despite a marvellous first year at work, I have felt a rather sombre perspective on the passing of this landmark. I am grateful not to have to start all over again, but also I cannot forget my mistakes quite so easily.
There are aspects that have an inevitable tinge of sadness: little things, like using a stapler donated to me by someone who has since died of cancer.
Then there are other aspects where my mistakes have hurt people. I guess what is done, is done, but at least I can say that I am not proud of my mistakes. I’m sorry for them. Most importantly, I’m concerned not to make the same mistakes again. I’m trusting my friends to help me be honest in overcoming my weaknesses.
In fact, that has been the most positive aspect of my year: having the priveledge of becoming friends with people I respect. Having a friend from India on msn for the first time. When I thanked her for getting in touch, I got the heart-warming response:
My friend (05/09/2007 11:47:16): pleasure is all mine
It has been a rewarding year. Though I have not been able to quantify my progress as naively as I wanted to, I am convinced I have been learning continually. Possibly I have learned more about myself than I ever realised there was to know.
At times it has been daunting. There is nothing harder than trying to understand yourself. It is a – sometimes painful – process.
Then, other times, I have relished the challenge, as I’ve realised how something that seems just a little thing can actually make a big difference. For example, there is such power in what we say to one another, and it is certainly a worthwhile pursuit to pay attention to what you say:
Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! [James 3:5]
I hope I will be kinder, more helpful, less selfish… and not make quite so many mistakes in the year to come. 😀
Thankyou, everyone, for putting up with me! And thankyou for being my friends.