24 May

This aint going to be much of a structured post… but then I don’t think I’m feeling very ‘structured’ at the moment, so maybe that is quite appropriate.

Had a wee chat with my Mum today. A caravan is booked in the Lake District for four nights. ‘Tis possibly just what I need, though I was almost considering backing out. (In order to plan my holidays better.)

Now looking at it in a more loving light, I would just love to have a whole week of my Mum and Dad…

Call me a child if you will… but I feel my childhood slipping away. I don’t regret it’s going, but the cares of this world really do begin to bog one down as one gets older. Oh, I wish I was better at “casting all my cares upon Him, for He careth for me.”

I think my dear parents feel it too, and are almost more reluctant than I am myself to let things ‘progress’. I guess I can’t hold out much longer though. 10 years is a long time to keep a secret from your parents, especially when it is one you are scared to tell them for fear the momentous-ness of it will just be too much for them.

They must suspect though… they’re just a bit like me. I spose I can understand how they feel, else why the massive pit in my own stomach right now.

But I love my God. I long that I may do what is right. Of late, I have been so afraid that my desires are for the wrong reasons. You could hardly call it ambition, but I’m afraid in case I would be lying if I were to say “it was not romance”…

Oh… am I wrong? Am I right?! How ought I to decide and to act?

And if I am wrong, what ought I then to be doing?


Exam tomorrow though, so night folks (Today’s was “good” …better than I’d expected, but then my expectations have been lower than they’ve ever been before.) -xx-

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Posted by on Monday, May 24, 2004 in selfish



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